F*ck Hope. StackAdapt sets this cookie as a Random Identifier for user identification, to display relevant advertisements. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, its not the politicians who suck. ", 85. George Carlin Shitting on GovernmentBuy Me a Pizzahttps://www.buymeacoffee.com/LaughPlGEORGE CARLINhttps://www.youtube.com/user/OfficialGeorgeCarlin/feedGeorge's websitehttps://georgecarlin.com/Social Media:\rInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelaughplanetofficial/\rYoutube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiI_jyH_0yttWG-m5fBYGmA\rTwitter: https://twitter.com/laugh_planet\rWebsite: http://thelaughplanet.comContact us: ash98jha@gmai.com #GeorgeCarlin #Government #America #Comedy #LaughPlanet "I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. And generally speaking again it's all generalized the left-of-center people are more concerned with humans and human beings and human concerns; to the care of humans, not the care and worry about property rights. These Politicians Don't Care About You At All The failures of people who supposedly represent the people Photo by Marco Oriolesi on Unsplash When people elect leaders in a democracy, the. But once the child is born? Deal with it. George Carlin, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin, Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? George Carlin, Were so self-important. They should be more vivid. ", 80. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money. They own all the important land. Join. A cat . His entire bit is included in the nearly two-minute video perfectly conjoined with photos of Trump and the results of his administration flood the screen. Theyre not interested in that. I think I need to show them that I have brought myself to a cleverer, smarter spot than they have.". The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. This cookie is used as a unique identifier for the BlueConic profile. 1. This cookie is managed by Amazon Web Services and is used for load balancing. "If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. Politicians don't care about you. ", 11. The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says.' George Carlin Believe, Government, Rules To Live By 48 Copy quote Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. "That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. God has a three-day weekend. George Carlin, The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. Carlin did this better than anyone else. He died in 2008, the week after he had been named the recipient of the Mark Twain Prize . If he wants to just lecture with his opinions then he gets lectured back with other peoples opinions. This cookie, set by PubMatic, is used to build a profile of user interests and to show relevant ads. "I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. Everybody complains about politicians. The game is rigged. George Carlin Philosophy, Real, Lying 192 Copy quote I've set my own rules to live by. You don't. Where are these people hiding? Everyones at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. "The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. ALEX COHEN, host: Carlin died yesterday of heart failure. The late great stand-up, actor and occasional philosopher George Carlin was known to cross the lines of what polite society would call good taste, but he himself drew a few lines when it came. Simple thing. We havent tried that for a while. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. Carlin also said conservatives claim theyll do anything for the unborn. Like the public. It will not be with jack-boots. ", 75. He talked about things that could be considered controversial, like politics and politicians, religion, drugs, and the demise of humanity. The cookie is a session cookies and is deleted when all the browser windows are closed. Theyve long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. This cookie stores a visitor's unique identifier for Chartbeat tracking on the site. "Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers. This country is full of nitwits and assholes. AA: George Carlin can say some outrageous things -- years ago the US Supreme Court found his "seven filthy words" monolgue "indecent." RS: But when he stopped at the National Press Club in. "Electricity is really just organized lightning. A Death! ", 23. I, on the other hand, who did not vote -- who did not even leave the house on Election Day -- am in no way responsible for what these politicians have done and have every right to complain about the mess that you created.". It covers the most famous 'rant' part of the speech.  Now having somewhat successfully established my Press credentials and He's not a cheese. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. This cookie is used by PwC to track individual visitors and their use of site. It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. ", 111. Over time, though, his success grew. Its you. 2. Maybe something else sucks around here like, the public. Carlin is funny as hell. ", 2. Change), You are commenting using your Twitter account. Because you have the illusion of choice. George Carlin gives him the finger from the grave. "I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked. Well, we know what they want. This ensures that the cookie consent box will not be presented again upon re-entry. 123 Rocky_Roku 1 yr. ago Didn't he say that he despised liberalism just as much as conservatism? This helps to distinguish between new, returning, and loyal visitors. "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. This cookie is set by Segment to help track visitor usage, events, target marketing, and also measure application performance and stability. "When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show. "Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. It does not store any personal data. The embattled gay representative has denied his drag persona, but these three performers have embraced her with comedic flair! "I don't believe anything the government tells me.". Everybody says they suck. "If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it? AddThis sets this cookie to enable the visitors to share the web pages on social platforms via sharing buttons on the website. ""Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. In the standup special, which premiered just three years before Carlin's death, the comedian claims that "the real owners are the big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions." ""Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying. George Carlin They Don't Give a Fu@k About You - YouTube George speaking the truth. "Don't give your money to the church. This cookie is used to collect data on user behaviour and interaction to make advertisement on the website more relevant. This cookie is used for advertising, site analytics, and other operations. The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. The truth is, we dont have people like that. You have owners. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences. "I don't have pet peeves. What if puberty blockers are a kind of sex crime? The Onions fictional editor board asked in a mockery of The Times concern-trolling on trans issues. Amen and Awomen. "Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. You think your current financial. and if you want to make this about "comedy" then Carlin should tell these things called "jokes". These George Carlin quotes on life showcase his wit, ingenuity and geniusand, occasionally, his potty mouth, which was part of his signature charm. "He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever f**k things up this badly. Teach them to question everything. Laugh until you gasp for breath. They own everything. YSC cookie is set by Youtube and is used to track the views of embedded videos on Youtube pages. Its what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. Set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin, this cookie is used to record the user consent for the cookies in the "Advertisement" category . "Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. Next, honor thy father and mother. Religion is like a pair of shoes, you have to find the one that fits you. "Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain. . George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. ", 4. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. They own you. This cookie is set by Segment to count the number of people who visit a certain site by tracking if they have visited before. ", 94. "I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam. Known for his funny and sarcastic quotes, we think you'll get a kick out of his words. Carlins truth-telling about the influence of corporations in America and the willful blindness that allowed someone like Trump to assume power. You probably know what pinkwashing and queerbaiting are, but how about abrosexual and multisexual? "If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. That's what the owners count on; the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes everyday. You dont have to be a historian or a political scientist to see the bigger-dick foreign policy at work. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. This cookie can only be read from the domain they are set on and will not track any data while browsing through other sites. I don't have to tell you my favorite comedian just like I don't have to say my favorite meal to tell the chef his food sucks. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. George Carlin, How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin, Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? So we are going to have to do lots of things different as a Black community," Ice Cube said in a video shared on Twitter on October 11. ", 120. This is a consent cookie set by Dailymotion to store the CCPA consent string (mandatory information about an end-user being or not being a California consumer and exercising or not exercising its statutory right). (LogOut/ Term limits aint going to do any good; youre just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. "'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. A 2018 survey by the Pew Research Center reports that less than half the country says elected officials care what . They want your fuckin retirement money. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. They don't care about you at all -- at all -- at all. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Term limits ain't going to do any good; you're just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. 01. They don't want to hear from you. The table has tilted, folks. Our country is failing because the majority of the people are selfish. The 1996 clip is being passed around on social media after this week's Supreme Court news. They dont care about you at all. You don't. You have no choice. Broadly speaking. This cookie is associated with Django web development platform for python. On Sunday, the 29-year-old Angie revealed that not . "I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. ""George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country. Toothpicks? At all. "Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. the politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. ", 5. Everybody says they suck. "But what I want them to know is that Im thinking. I have major psychotic f**king hatreds. '""The difference between left and right of centeroriginated in the Frenchparliament. This cookie is used to manage the interaction with the online bots. Whenever some boomer try's to lecture you about how their first job in the 60s they only made $3 an hour, just remember, $3 in 1969 had the equivalent buying power as $25.01 today. Maybe this time itll work. 125 George Carlin Quotes 1. ' Avoid teams at all costs. The __qca cookie is associated with Quantcast. They got you by the balls. Scorecard Research sets this cookie for browser behaviour research. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? ", 15. ", 100. The quote continues: "They own all the important land. "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. ", 43. ""This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. 'George Carlin - Life Is Worth LosingRecorded 5 Nov 2005, Beacon Theater, New York City, New YorkReleased: January 10, 2006Audio-visual content monetised by copyright claimant, MPI Media You can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy. ", George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. Forget the politicians. ", 67. You dont. War is a whole lot of men standing out on a field waving their pricks at one another. "I have lots of ideas. ", 34. And nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care. This cookie supports the website's live support provider. It will not be with jack-boots. Take George Carlin, for example. Lobbying, to get what they want. And they all vote. ""Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. It helps in consumer profiling for online advertising. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. Carlin was a New York City-based stand-up comedian, social critic, writer, and actor, best known for his unconventional and vulgar comedy routines. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. "People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. Im tired of this shit. George Carlin, Never argue with an idiot. "There's a humorous side to every situation. "You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby . 41. A cookie set by YouTube to measure bandwidth that determines whether the user gets the new or old player interface. Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. ""Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? And they own all the big media companies, so that they control just about all of the news and information you hear. This cookie is used for preventing the installation of third party advertiser or other cookies on the browser. With his daring satirical jokes, his words will make you laugh and make you think profoundly about everything you experience. The uuid2 cookie is set by AppNexus and records information that helps in differentiating between devices and browsers. "Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. Keep your circle small. I don't always agree with everything he says, but I always listen Given the nature of our current Administration, I thought it timely to revisit what George said years ago (Back In Town HBO Special, 1996 . It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Let's start with critical race theory. They own and control the corporations. "I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. Ice Cube also recently voiced concerns that neither political party would actually be able to make a positive change for the betterment of Black Americansand that's reportedly the rapper's whole reasoning for working with the White House on the Platinum Plan, which aims to develop Black businesses and communities. ", 9. "Forget the politicians. ", 30. George Carlin: Life Is Worth Losing George Carlin told us about the Corona panic years ago Ryan Davis 3.5M views 2 years ago Joe Rogan | George Carlin's Lost 9/11 Special JRE Clips 2.6M. Its part of that showoff and dropout syndrome. ", 98. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them. ", 6. This cookie is associated with Yahoo Search Analytics and is used for advertising purposes. "By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. ", 79. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but Ill tell you what they dont want. At all. On June 24, 2022, the U.S. Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade and ended a women's constitutional right to an abortion in the country. ", 116. Others see it half empty. Carlin had 14 comedy specials, several published books and CDs, 5 Grammy awards, many TV and movie roles, and the title of being the first-ever host of Saturday Night Live, all under his belt. To avoid conflicts, each partner's ID is stored using separate cookies, which are merged to the ljtrtb cookie when it is available. ", 122. George Carlin's 'Wake Up America' bit went viral in July 2020. "May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. The sp_t cookie is set by Spotify to implement audio content from Spotify on the website and also registers information on user interaction related to the audio content. I just dont have as many people who believe it. George Carlin, Now, theres one thing you might have noticed I dont complain about: politicians. "Laugh often, long and loud. Don't miss a beat. Its a big club and you aint in it. George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic and author. Thats what all that asshole jock bullshit is all about. Enjoy! ", 9. The late George Carlin was a genius with words, a deft dasher of conventional logic, and a master observer (and master-baiter!) 15 years 6 months 5 days 3 hours 12 minutes, 15 years 6 months 5 days 3 hours 5 minutes, 15 years 6 months 5 days 1 hour 16 minutes. Thats the problem. F*ck Hope. George Carlin, In America, anyone can become president. You know what the motto for this country ought to be? They dont want that. You know what they want? Its because volunteers work for no pay. ", 55. They should be giving their money to you. These current events and social issues that are relevant today . Everyone Practices Cancel Culture | Opinion, Deplatforming Free Speech is Dangerous | Opinion. But, he is wrong here. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. The late comedian often times poked fun at religion, politics, and social justice. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. I didn't bother with him. In fact, sometimes you get the impression that theyre the only ones who vote. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? George Carlin, Laugh often, long and loud. They never mention that part to us, do they? Thats what the owners count on, Carlin intones. A unique user identifier cookie, set by Microsoft Application Insights software, that enables counting of the number of users accessing the application over time. The Monday night crucifixions! George Carlin. What if I want to have a crappy day? Prof Thuggy aka Professor Thug 32K views 1. Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. It also helps for marketing automation solution for B2B marketers to track customers through all phases of buying cycle. No neonatal care, no daycare, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. ", 54. That doesnt help them. It also helps in fraud preventions. Answer (1 of 12): He was a liberal. No nothing. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. OK? "It helps to remember this.. You have no choice. Set by addthis.com to determine the usage of addthis.com service. If youre pre-born, youre fine, if youre preschool, youre fucked.. An Adobe Analytics cookie that uses a unique visitor ID time/date stamp to identify a unique vistor to the website. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. "People are wonderful one at a time. And I didn't really care in the first place. This is one of the greatest social and political commentaries of the modern era. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads. Quantserve sets the mc cookie to anonymously track user behaviour on the website. Carlin's rueful 1996 routine about conservatives' opposition to abortion ("they will do anything for the unborn, but once you're born, you're on your own") became a newly viral phenomenon and. They are irrelevant. "I don't know if we could count on any parties to get us out this s**t, to be honest. Everything He ever makes dies. Well, we know what they want: They want more for themselves and less for everybody else.". When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. "The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm. George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. George Carlin, Some people see the glass half full. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he embodied America's intellectual counter culture and provided sanctuary from the crisis of modernity. George Carlin, I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. "If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. Lijit Advertising Platform sets this cookie temporarily, when multiple partners pass their IDs to the platform simultaneously. They own, and control the corporation. "Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to f**k.", 71. "Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. George Carlin may be dead, but his spirit lives on. They don't want to hear from you . 02. And if they tell you youre not a team player, congratulate them on being observant. George Carlin. "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. ", 114. Forget the politicians. "Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. MediaMath sets this cookie to avoid the same ads from being shown repeatedly and for relevant advertising. ", 26. Check out100 Best Dad Jokes50 Thinking of You Quotes50 Friday Quotes50 Monday Motivation Quotes101Bad Puns200Jokes for Kids, Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television. Dumb ass motherfuckers., The real owners, the big, wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. Issued by Microsoft's ASP.NET Application, this cookie stores session data during a user's website visit. This cookie is set by pippio to provide users with relevant advertisements and limit the number of ads displayed. The truth is that George Carlin would be branded a left-wing nut job who has pie-in-the-sky ideas and wants people to collect money for doing nothing. "Some people see things that are and ask, 'Why?' Everybody complains about politicians. No neonatal care, no daycare, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. "Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? The people left of center were liberals; the people right of center were conservatives. Now I feel better. "My advice: just keep moving straight ahead. "Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean that the circus has left town. This cookie is set by the provider Akamai Bot Manager. December 2, 2015, 3:27 PM. '", 73. "If you cant say something nice about a person, go ahead. ", 25. This cookie, set by YouTube, registers a unique ID to store data on what videos from YouTube the user has seen. Germany lost the Second World War. Then they would drink a lot of coffee.' This cookie is used for identifying the geographical location by country of the user. They want obedient workers. It seems only right. Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. You have owners. ", 10. "I put a dollar in a change machine. This cookie is set by the BlueConic. "What if there were no hypothetical questions? "A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed. "So, have a little fun. "The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. '""I have solved this political dilemma in a very direct way: I don't vote. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. "We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. ", 8. Doesnt give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results. George Carlin, Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin, I have as much authority as the Pope.