I am fairly attractive and I. })(); she and I cannot even sit on the couch and watch TV as she scoots away from me. Be the man who won her heart! Any discussion goes nowhere. Be patient with her as she works on herself, and the two of you refocus on your marriage. Denied the enjoyment, should they be expected to put the same effort into the preparation? interested in sex as they grow older but I find that to be true of men as well at least in the case of my husband! The idea that anyone has to resort to porn, masturbating or ignoring their own healthy needs and desires to actually connect skin to skin with their partner while exchanging looks and words of passion and enjoying, it is wrong. Now when it comes to my receiving oral sex to orgasm? Even with some ED we can still have a good orgasm..but she wont even touch me.. Im not a bad looking guy, and tend to her needs materially.. but sex is off the table. He already said she feels bad for him so she is aware of the problem. Im in my 70s now and dont care any more, hes retired and works in his shop on cars mostly. and hugs when one of us leaves the house. Have some fun with someone now and then would help .. any reply on if cheating what to look at to find someone Where???? Sounds like you should try therapy. Menopause can affect a woman's sexual functioning, supportive of a partner struggling with mental health, it's OK to not want sex with your partner, https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25855662/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5994393/. We dont really argue and enjoy each others company. Theres more to life than that, theres more to life than escapingtheres connecting deeper with your partner, taking more trips, spending more time together, learning more skills, building or supporting others together, getting involved in your communities more! I mean how do you do that if your married? Women don't always want to necessarily take care of their husbands, but when they love you, they do. Marriage is hard work, but worth every moment when the effort is reciprocated. This break down could be for a number of reasons: Some are directly related to her man. I do, however, feel like absolute shit about the negative impact on my husband who is six years younger than me and who has always had a high (higher than mine, anyway) sex drive. The phone started beeping and making its different sounds at 630am. Id been wearing blinders believing shed never cheat. I need to be held by a mature woman and caressed and brought to orgasm. The health setback added to a divorce and two children to support has made life difficult. Is there any way I can help alleviate some of the stress she is feeling? When I have a follow up, with a surgeon next month, even though it is not cancer, I will discuss wether or not I should give up the vaginal hormone. Best to all. Many marriages are suffering in this area, and even the strongest and most supportive husbands feel isolated from their wives. Unfortunately I dont, as it seems were merely friends but certainly not lovers! I know that there are reasons for everything, hell it could be my fault, but it is just so frustrating. I get you have energy for everyone but me. I have 2 nephews, age 6 & 7, from my brother 13 years younger than me. He is older than I am but even when we were younger, he was like that. I sense for it to get all the way to her not wanting to be touched whatsoever at all anymore, something must have happened. I feel like its just my life now. Im not convinced of this because he does not even initiate a kiss. See all of Joans advice in Sex@Our Age. Really connect. ( Keep cardio to a minimum and stay away from the weight machines) I kid you not. I finally asked him he said I was crab and mad all the time, I have a lot of pain and take a lot of meds sometime, and yes I am very unhappy with my life, but I try to hid it. It is frustrating, but I would never give up our marriage over it. Tall. 2. When was the last time you went out on a date together? I promised her I wouldnt embarrass her or shame her in front of family, friends, or church with an affair. Dont worry about having sex for a long time. I say bullshit to every man and women experiencing no sex in a relationship if they want it with their partner. My NEW husband gets a hard on, loves me to give him oral sex but is not sexually attracted to me at all. My current wife was 49 and I was 54 when we met and sex was twice a day for over a year, When she proposed to me, I raesoned that she was a good friend and sex was more then satisfactory, so I accepted. Prostate cancer is the #1 cancer in older men and when the prostate is removed during surgery it makes a man totally impotent no erection, no ejaculation, no orgasm plus total incontinence which means the post cancer patient needs to wear Depends diapers for the rest of his life. If your wife won't touch you, maybe something has changed. I go where I want and do my own thing, theres no where are you going, screaming and name calling. Look, I am an RN and living with a man who is 5 years older than me. Want to know why? She refuses to talk about it. Whenever equality or egalitarianism gets discussed in the context of marriage, you can be sure this will involve benefits/advantages, whether natural or societal, that men have that ought to be shared equally with women and not benefits/advantages, whether natural or societal, that women have that ought to be shared equally with men. On the other hand, another reason your wife is never in the mood may be related to menopause. Why do women marry a good provider and run around with the empty pocket young studs? A lack of emotional connection can make it hard for women to establish physical intimacy, even with their own life partner. Don't Touch MeI'm Your Wife! | Psychology Today I said I am a human male and I have basic needs. Make your own porn and watch that. For others that are on the borderline of this happening: If there's no intimacy in your marriage from your wife and you've realized that she may be suffering through mental health issues, Bonobology's panel of experienced therapists can help guide your partner through this turbulent time, and perhaps re-establish the harmonious relationship you yearn for. There are many exceptions, but if you dont want me let me go elsewhere. Glenn, as a man to another man; its time to let that person go. My opinion only, so, most likely only worthy in my estimation. When your wife avoids physical contact, it could be because of resentment, 13. Hello Hawkeye He will once in a while hold my hand for about a minute and always gives me a peck on the check before he goes to bed. You can clearly see that she is overworked and avoids intimacy. But he keeps wanting to try and work on it and cant seem to accept that Im changing as I grow old. We were easy pickings since that biological clock was ticking louder and she still hadnt landed Chad. I hear ya Jose! 10 years of this and going on5 years since last try, dont sleep in same be, snoring medical issues up down. No doubt youre frustrated. No, I should say male divined WRONG! I cuttle with her, hold her close, hold her hand in public and we talked about it. Shes happen because we dont have sex or have any form of intimacy. Many of these comments are a breath of fresh air. For me she is the best woman I have ever been with. We have never had oral sex, partly because she informed me she had contracted fenital herpes from a prior relationship, but was under control. I became so dry that sex was painful, we tried different lubricants but nothing really helped much. Besides intercourse itself, she turns me away when I attempt to initiate some sort of intimacy by kissing or stroking, things she used to love in the past. But dont you have a affair, to deal with that sex drive that Im ignoring. The last time we had sex with lubrication, she complained of pain and suggested that beyond a few minutes, she was not interested. Ask your wife about how she's feeling about the relationship, about you, and about your life together, and see how you can get your relationship back to a good place. Cater to her needs, indulge in some foreplay, and stop being selfish! Its a disturbing trap that you must avoid. I enjoy sex, but I am often fatigued and have low energy. I think I was just the sperm donor and now I am the sugar daddy that provides her a comfortable life. Im so confused. There are many causes, physical and emotional, why your wife wont have sex with you anymore. And please dont tell me counseling. Less. Since this is our first child, I dont even know whats normal and what isnt. Susan.I second Seans reply to you. He feels unwanted or unappreciated. Cheating is easy and you deserve it . If it were just about sex, I wouldve left a long time ago. I just cant keep going like this. I can easily live without sex, but I cannot live without love. Some doctors will prescribe testosterone and advise DHEA supplementation. What to do about it: Make sure your wife knows you see her as a sexy beingcompliment her often, give her simmering kisses and affectionate touch, and do these things without tying the gestures to requests for sex. My Wife is Not Affectionate Anymore | The Modern Man I was her first love. Once you cross into the no sex zone there is NO going back. Blah blah blah. I guess. Although he acts like he doesnt notice and maybe he dont. My wife of 35 years and I have always had difficulty sexually. I can live with that, but I can not live with never being touched or made love to ever again. The role only involves the two lovers and an invited therapist they consented to. For many men, wooing and life after wooing are two vastly different realities. We dont have children, and we have tried everything.therapy, books, scheduling sex, talking, crying, toys, porn. Your email address will not be published. Marriage, pregnancy, childbirth, coupled with a sea of hormonal changes at different stages of life, can make a woman gain weight and send her self-esteem nosediving. Just curious. I have rekindled a relationship that ended over fifty years ago with a woman I dated right before I met my wife. I have to listen to her telling me I am fat etc. Im 65 and just want a happy, peaceful existence and I cope with EVERYTHING 100% , except sex. I thank you for stating in so frank a manner every frustration that has engulfed me for over 40 years. I self reflected and starting cooking again, especially on her late nights. (For the record, I would cook, but Im terrible at it). Im leaving when I can stash away the cash. Men provide protection, stability, and resources. I do not want to out her to the family as they all adore her. Try to keep things fun and adventurous between the sheets so that your wife is unable to resist you. Surprise her by getting a sitter and taking her to a nice dinner. If 2 people really love love,then they will find ways to please each other. Some of it comes from knowing that your partner is unhappy," she writes at mbg. Regardless of the reason your wife has pulled away from you, you must confront the situation. But when I try to go to the next level. Signs My Husband Isn't Attracted To Me - He Rejects Your Hugs, Kisses, And Touch. Would you expect your wife to attach as much emotional significance to cooking dinner as to making love? Hi Christi, the best thing about this article is the comment section! But keeping an open dialogue about your mutual wants and desires can, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4199300/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4555290/, https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jmft.12282, http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/NMP-DateNight.pdf, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2707786/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3807599/. Ive moved on!!! However, if the unfortunate situation arises where your wife never initiates physical contact because shes having an affair, you need to deal with it gently. Yes, its so hurtful and completely discouraging. Its not as rosy on our side of the fence, when you really look into it. Hello Mary I can imagine how frustrating it it is for you.I am 65 years old and my wife is 64.My wife is on anti-depressants and she says that she has no desire for sex We have been married for 44 years now.I last had sex about 8 years ago My wife is a very beautiful woman and I am absolutely so frustrated and find that looking at porn and mastubating is not ideal anymore, What I need is a woman, but I am afraid to approach another woman for sex for the fear of rejection, I do not want to have sex with a prostitute. So, lets be clear. If you didnt leave before the first kid arrived, you were in for a life sentence. I always aimEd to please her with oral sex preceded by lots of massaging, rubbing, kissing etc. A lack of communication may have led to years of unsatisfying sex, and the longer youre together, the more nervous she may be to bring it up. Either something happened that made her feel that way or shes lying. We have had a lot of therapy through the years, but even after all this time I feel sexually numbed, completely disinterested and unable to respond.i still feel the need to be held by him and I love him so much, I felt so guilty. 2. Not easy for her to open up and talk about thingsbeen that way all of our married lives..43 plus years. You talk about your wife not being in the mood. Thats an elusive state when were not driven by our hormones. Sounds to me like youve picking your men from the bar. She is just plain not sexually attracted to me. Why would anyone want to have sex with your pessimistic, crotchety, excuse-ridden ass? 9. All I can say that my sexual desire was immediately and irreversibly shut off like a light switch. If the lack of interest in physical intimacy came on suddenly and caught you unawares, it is possible that your wife is involved with another person. Does your wife feel seen and heard in the relationship, or is she never in the mood because she usually feels overlooked? Of course, all this pressure makes it harder for sex to seem to go well.". It pains Mike and me to hear that women can suffer this way too. 13 Reasons Your Wife Isn't Interested In Sex & What To Do - mindbodygreen Still in love with Vicky. The scenario you posited is anything but. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. He keeps saying hell do better, but nothing ever happens! I too have never cheated. I went through marital counseling before the wedding. But, on the sex side, not too good. Womens inherent nesting instinct naturally shifts their focus to family and kids, and this may, in turn, affect the mind space she can allocate to you and sexual desires. In fact, according to WebMD, there are multiple causes that will negatively affect the sexual desire in a woman. NO! all about love and couple relationships in their varied forms. I had a few clients who had a baby and found it difficult to start getting physically intimate with their spouses again because theyre not comfortable with their bodies, says Gopa. He has with held sex before, once or twice when he was mad at me a couple of times in the past 18 year, that was my punishment. Most importantly, a couple agrees that their marriage is built on a foundation of love and respect. Seems like you do not really love your husband any more. At age 69, were certainly way beyond the procreation stage. Love will always outweigh the brief pleasure that $$ and status can provide. Amen. /* The two C words! 16 years being married. No amount of therapy, joint or individual, will fix this issue. If a couple's sex life continues to follow a routine that doesn't tend to feel good for the woman, she may lose interest in having sex entirely. It is not the loss of testicles as much as the loss of the prostate gland. He sits around the house and watches tv all day long. No doubt youre frustrated. Makes me feel worth lessnot worthless.worth. My Wife Loves Me But Doesn't Desire Me - What Should I Do? - Marriage my dad is 85 years old and my mom is 5 years his senior at 90 years old. I have read here about mostly women who do not desire sex, but let me tell you, men not wanting or giving their female partners sex is an unmentionable crisis in our homes. So Im frustrated as hell, but I love her and wont cheat on her no matter what. Ive even had the gumption to suggest that if HE doesnt desire sex, then maybe he could still give me pleasure. A woman who feels that shes living with a man whocant regain her trust after cheating will most certainly have problems connecting with him on an emotional as well as physical level. Bitter? Tired of initiating intimacy? I NEED an active partner. However, another simple answer is that she isnt used to being the initiator. Its one less thing to think about or do. He then sits and reads for hours on end. Honey I can assure you 100% hes not doing without sex hes at the prime age to have sex I couldnt tell you why he didnt wanna have sex with you but Im going through the same thing with my wife. There are many causes, physical and emotional, why your wife wont have sex with you anymore. I have tried everything too, to no avail, things only get worse, not better. Learning how to communicate and experience life myself . Have sexual experiences together that don't revolve around intercourse. Weve been married nearly 39 years and needless to say the last couple of decades I could have done without his aloofness. Our sexual problems are much more complex because I have accepted the fact that she really wants to be intimate but the cost is too high. If you are tired of initiating intimacy and your wife doesnt want sex anymore, it may be time to consider marriage counseling. She tricked me, I fell in love, we have 4 grown awesome me, the model relationship in our large family. And I cook, shop for food, take care of dogs and have. I am guilty of that. She said I was harassing her and that if I was so horny and needy, I should find someone else to relieve myself, but whatever, to stop harassing her. Sometimes when a woman becomes a mother, it can affect the way she sees herselfand the way her partner sees her. He retired a decade ago against my wishes. Would you prefer I see prostitutes or have a girlfriend on the side to take care of my needs? I think in many cases a therapist is in order but if only one party wants this and the other refuses to address the problem or go to a therapist, then the stalemate will undoubtedly continue unabated until well, divorce or death, whichever comes first! Never once I have ever forced myself in any way on my wife. It may not really mean anything bigger at all. Ive been married to my husband for 35 + years to an indifferent withholder for the entire marriage. In such a case, it could be the reason why your wife avoids intimacy. My wife and I lost our beloved son several years ago. When I was single I would simply break off a relationship when the sexual problems would start. Somehow I thought that would be my fix. They learn to accept the situation and carry on with life. My wife weight has ballooned once the kids were born (25 years ago) And she has never wanted to lose it but just accept it. We havent had sex in 6 months and she has rejected my advances numerous times. That said, you should also think about how youre trying to arouse your wife. Im only 63 and Ive pretty much just given up. Im in my 50s and after years without feeling that hardness inside me anymore, I often find myself thinking about the next 30 years without. Does your wife struggle with self-love? I also went down on her regularly, and now she doesnt even want me to try. Your wife avoids intimacy because she feels neither desirable nor sexy. How about finding self-worth in volunteering at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen? A free doctor approved gut health guide featuring shopping lists, recipes, and tips. You can bring up your feelings about the importance of sex in your relationship so that she knows and can let you know what she has the capacity for. But, as we have read many time here, that it is OK for the woman/wife to force her husband into a sexless marriage. And Marley, I deeply sorry for your situation. Ask if there is something you can do to make sex more enjoyable for her. Says I dont turn him on Im to fat. If physical intimacy is missing and one partner is complaining about it, you know theres something going on. Most of my female friends in their sixties are married to men who just stopped having sex, wanting sex, initiating sex or any kind of intimacy. Got thru menopause with that help. I am 79 and my wife is 75 and our sex life is as good as ever. She doesnt even let me see her naked. As we age, women and men need to feel desired and appealing to our partners. In the end, she doesnt want it and I have stopped caring. I agree, once they stop theres nothing thats going to get them interested or willing to do it again. Mike it could be only your fault if you are not touching her! Yeah, maybe not, eh . It took many years and visits to a lot of therapists to find out why I couldnt perform sexually with my wife during our 30 year marriage. Its dinner cooked and eaten together, with enjoyment on both sides. 4 Things to Teach Your Kids to Stand Up For, 5 Things Teens Need But Wont Ever Ask For, 4 Things You Can Do When Youre Not in the Mood, 20 Great Conversation Starters for Great Marriages. Finally after 40yrs he tries to help and cares more now than at any point all the times before. Must he provide her preferred amount of resources (which is much higher than he himself needs) while also accepting her preferred amount of sex (which is much lower than he himself needs) under the guise of equality? Id never treat him as she does! Sure. No one is talking about men who dont want to have sex. I suppose that his stomach, which is huge, the fact that he cant really get hard, and the fact that sex takes forever are some of the reasons why I no longer want to have sex. I just gave up. I have the same problem, my wife and I are 73 years old, 7years ago she told me she no longer had an interest in sex, so,it has been 7 dry years, she told me I was free to,find someone to have sexy with!! Well, our partners dont seem to care they are hurting us. We lost our virginity to each other well before our marriage so often, in fact, that on our wedding night we decided we were too tired from the events of the week and just went to bed to sleep. We have no children. It was even suggested I try penile injections at bedtime so I can at least get hard for her pleasure. So our sex lives dwindled until around 15 years ago she realized a more regular sex life might be a good thing. I dont clean enough, cook enough, keep on top of appointments, follow his assignments since youre retired now, you can do and I get assignments. Weve all heard the answer to no Sex is stop having Sex? Where is my man who would COOK, and have me for dessert?CLEAN! Also, make sure you share the housework equally, including the mental load. She is a vegetarian and a purist in many ways, rejecting hormone therapy because of the published risks of breast cancer associated with hormone therapy, though small, my doctor stated. I quit sex because I didnt want to put with name calling and her being boring. Childbirth is a life-altering experience thats not just hard on a womans body but also her mind. I figured this was my life, deal with it and shut up. I said no. Weve been married for 26 years, she is 51, and she has had maybe 4 years total where she was interested in sex. My Wife Doesn't Want Me Sexually (My Wife Never Touches Me Anymore) I dont want to sleep in separate rooms or even separate beds. Especially because . Tell her how much I love her. She started losing interest when our children were youngshed be OK with sex once or twice a month, and only when she was in the mood. I own real estate property with my sister which provides some income. I desire foreplay and intimacy, not just intercourse. Are there any people at all who have actually solved this any other way apart from no more proper sex or divorce? So no, this was not the place to blow your horn. Every study I have ever seen says its over twice as likely for the woman to be the one withholding. It also says that we are to make our bodies our patents, not ours. Share This: Have a question about relationships and sex for seniors? Sorry. Men you just need to treat her like you used to treat her before you married her every day and she will keep treating you like she did before you married her. While its good to get to the root of the problem so you can resume a healthy. I think that the advice to seek a trained sex therapist, and the encouragement to increase communication between this man and his wife is appropriate and excellent. The comments given above is very true. Now that I am 62 years old I can say his description of what happens is spot on. Dear, PS Bishislife, I was being shipped out to Vietnam and we both were afraid of losing eachother. Anyway, I was so turned on by this guy (in love too)that just seeing him or us simply hugging was a major Turn-On. Most women find us as nothing more then a sex pig. Two lovers need boundaries to choose their path. I tried internet sex and while interesting it is not enough. Since abstinence for so long Im wondering what will happen if a woman takes an interest in a 70-year-old man. I just dont understand. An emotional affair or even a one-night stand that you think your wife doesnt know about? I see my friend for an outing about 2X/month. This will make intimacy a million times more enjoyable for both partners. Tried Testosterone replacement but it made me very sick and ended up in the emergency room with complications . . As the years tick away, I am reminded of going to sleep in one anothers arms, morning sex, spontaneous make out sessions and feeling desired. Its maddening! you probably love your husband, or at least the person he once was when you were first together. . found that women had more difficulty staying focused during intimacy and lower arousal levels when under stress. Our experts helped them improve their sex life by advising a bit more spontaneity. A subtle way of saying I will date outside the marriage. My wife has no desire for sex. What can I do? - TODAY.com BIG ZERO, NADA FOR 18 MONTHS NOW! Outwardly to friends he seems a good husband, and he is BUT he will not have sex as he dies not fancy me anymore! And now we are old and the chance of my wife changing are now nil. Related Reading: How To Survive A Sexless Marriage Without Cheating. Ive been humiliated, rejected and told you can have love without sex, because, after all, cripples cant have sex but they still have love. Just need the fortitude to go. That communication will be open and honest, and circumstances in lifegood or bad, should never break this mutual promise. When your partner wont touch you, there could be infidelity involved, 6. He started blaming his medication but when I checked that out he moved on to another excuse. It may also be helpful for her to speak with her doctor to see if there are other treatment options that might help. I am very sexually frustrated and a different Danish upbringing with a healthy attitude. Even if you have something as small as a minor headache or you cut yourself while cooking, a loving wife will always be ready to pounce and get the first aid kit. What to Do If Your Wife No Longer Loves You - Verywell Mind "There is also much more pressure on any sex youdohave since it's happening less frequently; it feels like there is much more at stake each time the two of you are intimate. Im 15 years younger than my husband. Some women do not compartmentalize their emotions the way some men do, and thus may be more easily preoccupied during sex. Talk with your husband about sexual fantasies he has or things he may want to try in the bedroom. If you're dealing with other problems in the relationshipan ongoing argument, an affair, disagreements about decisions related to the kids or work or money, literally anythingthen those tensions may seep into your sex life.