My SO and I had been dating two years. Period. For the fact that I'd have to go into mass production, LOL. Don't hurt him any more than you already have. But I don't see the need to borrow trouble by telling your boyfriend if you have learned your lesson and know you will never do . Because you feel guilt and awful, that is already a potential secret wall that will build up between you and the one person in the world with whom you want to be a true closest friend. He has morals. Once emotions kicks in, you cant predict what will happen. Almost a year ago I began university, my boyfriend and I decided we would do long distance and we are still together now. A forum community dedicated to married life between you and your spouse. Foxie: There was something missing in my marriage. reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): A Seriously. I'm really surprised that everyone is saying "It's just a kiss" and to not tell the SO. If you drink so much that you lose track of everything, then you already took the first step on a dangerous road. If it in the meantime hits a nerve and makes you uncomfortable or even gets you all het up, that's your problem, not mine. (Sorry you got cheated on. I felt disorientated. Other way around. Right,undoubtedly you didn't say what Tillybops wanted to hear. You have been dating this guy for only two months and it's not serious yet. Im also pleased that you agreed with my argument as to when to fess up and when to keep your mouth shut. I think a real man actually kisses a dude at least once to really know your sexuality, one says. Becoz misunderstanding happn somtym and do miracles/ And ya most imp if u both want kids u shud adopt one. Then he kissed me, and I kissed him back. NO don't actually make it easy for him to have ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP with this woman!!!! Yup. Though somehow I think there might have been trouble in the marriage. We were not drunk. We were chatting when we realised the other woman was snoring. My wife left me because I had become emotionally unavailable. Mercy got too drunk, Cintia was drunk but she was ok so far. Past is something you cannot change. (Got me cracked) 24 It happens, in other words. It felt so wrong and taboo yet so erotic and a sort of thrilling jealousy! Yet obviously (action of posting on a forum after having pulled the snog plug) you don't like that bit. I'm so confused. You cheated. Funny, I have never gotten amorous when I have had too much to drink. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here), but then I was cheated on for years by ExH and I would now put myself first. For what possible reason? I am 100% sure he will forgive you and will love you even more for telling him (which you should have done A LONG TIME AGO). Social media, the Internet, texting and so on. Guy Winch, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and author of Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts. I mean if a person can't rely on their own strength of character and self-discipline to stop them from crossing that line, they obviously NEED an outside deterrent. Okay if it was me who did that even thou I dont drink Ill first ask him as if its someone else who did it, like a friend or a colleague and if he overracts then think again but if hes all cool about it then break ice. I am the nicest person on earth and so is my boyfriend. But the guilt is killing me. The playing field is even now according to statistics. We are together 12 years altogether and although I had boyfriends before him, it was never serious, and he is the only man I've ever slept with. Add your answer to this question! Well as far as my experience with sex,I would definitely say I'm not an expert. by Lucy Moore for One way to get over the guilt would be to prove to yourself that it will never happen again. ;-) I just knew you would cheat on me if given half a chance.. I think you already knew what you wanted to do, your husband was not home, saw an opportunity, and wanted to use being drunk as a cover story. I'd never be able to get over it. "and even though he said he immediately pulled away" I dont want him to be thinking that I am a cheat. Therefore, you might be surprised to learn the following facts about guilt: What can you do to address unresolved guilt? He Have Lipstick Stain Or Make Up Stain On His Face It's an obvious sign that someone kissed him. Actually I really don't have any experience at all. So if for some reason he'd got funny about it, I'd have just dealt with it. One is your marriage, the other is a relationship with a married man with family. I stopped and said I couldn't kiss him anymore cause I was dating someone I really liked Am I a terrible person? I like the soft smooth touch of a woman and her sexy smell while iam kissing her with passion, if there is a romantic connection it's even better. I'm 44 years old and I've been dating a 24 year old for 5 months. If I could go back in time I would because my SO is truly the best person out there. Then I ordered taxis, woke up the other girl and we left. SOULMATE NO URGE :-8 I'm sensing nose in the air LOL You must see The Grand Canyon, New York- Theater/Art so much raw talent, However for the next time please be careful and never do such a blunder because he's a gem and you should not lose him just for your stupid or foolish acts .i mean any sophisticated or a ONE MAN WOMAN (a proud title for me :) and hopflly for u too ) wont like to stress her relatn or leave a man whom she loves or take him in a position where he might leave ? Finding it with someone else just accelerates the process. You even said it indirectly in your story, when said you decided to get drunk. I have to be honest, I have never once had the urge to visit America. Will the guilt ever go away? I thought we were talking, in context of the above-type scenario, about mouth-to-mouth kissing being a 'gateway to sex' for the fact of it sparking physical arousal, ergo, whether delayed or in-the-moment, counts as foreplay, ergo, infidelity (albeit, granted, at the thin area of that whole wedge). And, of course, cheating always tends to increase during a recession. I feel sorry for the visually impaired but that doesn't mean I want a blind person flying my airplane and my compassion won't make the flight any safer. So you went and MARRIED someone who was your best FRIEND, not your already Bam!, Pow!, "oh my god there is a god!" Should find time to respond tomorrow. I've been cheated on just recently and I cannot imagine how awful it would be if he didn't own up and tell me. Login first For me, to feel guilty about having sex with someone, while in a relationship with someone else, I must have remorse. I think its interesting that you put in the innocent and the guilty kiss. I love your stories, Foxie. Him coming to you within 2 days of his wayward deed , when he could have easily gotten away with it, this is something to consider. If you were to act like the person you want or see yourself to be, what would you do? Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. They say don't tell the wife or husband about the infidelity, because it would cause more hurt. I kissed another man four years ago. End of story. Arun, I agree with everything you said here because I was guilty of kissing a guy I liked when I was drunk, knowing that I liked him and wanted to see how much.". He has assignments at different sites, and for the last four weeks he has been at the same place. The straight women in the girls-french kiss-girls videowere all shocked at how gentle and non-aggressive female kissers were, in comparison to guys. Still, now that the courts are coming down wider and heavier on emotional abuse, I'm sure it's just a matter of time. Carl Jung said that if you're dreaming of a stranger of the opposite sex, it usually means your psyche is tapping into your inner man or inner woman. Anon Pink, 20 ways to speak Love & Admiration to our husbands. "I really can't do this, I have no excuse, I'm married and he's lovely, it's not like I'm unhappy, he's a good person'" There was a lot of biting and groping going on, because, you know, the guys were giving it their best shot. He cared less what families they belonged to if they worked in the same positions, they had the same contract rules to follow. There is more going on. You have been dating this guy for only two months and it's not serious yet. What does it mean for my marriage? Even despite it included you having to become whatever degree of a low-down doity adulterer. I took the ride. I gave up playing tennis with him. Kissing is the gateway to sex or part of sex. You had too much to drink and you kissed someone who wasnt your boyfriend or your girlfriend. I guess kissing another when married, with or without the other knowing about it is a sore subject. I've never gone to a counsellor before, but I'm going to see one next week to talk through it. female Sometimes it doesnt help to tell your partner everything. "but the fact I work with this person and have to continue to work with him. " His imagination could go haywire over that one. I know it was wrong and I regret it all. I kissed another guy when drunk but can't remember?! Should I tell him or just get on with my life and put this whole sorry mess behind me? Asked how the kiss was, Brodieeven says: It wasnt bad, its actually better than a few of my exes. Any advice guys? he set the standard of how he wished this relationship to be conducted in such scenarios yet you failed to follow it WHY did you?). Thank you. Assistir Chelsea X Leeds - Ao Vivo Grtis HD sem travar, sem anncios. Have another little thinkipoos (with or without a little drinkipoos). I can't stop playing it over again and again. If you kissed someone while you were drunk then perhaps you are worried about doing it again. She confessed to loving the experience and enjoyed the thrill knowing she had her husbands permission and he was watching her. Even so, you might find that you are still attracted to other people. I was nervous and prayed nothing would happen but it did. The 5 Ingredients of an Effective Apology, The Power of a Dream: The Customs Inspector, 3 High-Risk Relationship Concerns No Couple Should Ignore, Eliminating Guilt, Shame, Regret, and Worry, Protecting the Innocent: The Cognitive Context of Guilt, How to Deal with Breakup Guilt in a Healthy Way. I could go on about a lot of things here. It was such a weird experience. If he is nervous at you looking at his messages and also refuses to tell you who she is, he is hiding quite alot. You confessed your sins. Live with the soul crushing guilt you earned, or lose your BF. I myself will have to comment tomorrow, now, although maybe SK and anyone else would like to join in in the meantime? Take action instead of ruminating in guilt. / Dyathinkhesaurus? Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I knew you liked him/her. Anyway, I just thought I'd mention it out of respect for that other time with that girl and to show you that, despite I'm not as quick thinking as you, especially when I'm blotto, I can still handle myself in these situations [grin]." Despite their passion during the kiss though, thestraight guys (quite predictably)all saythey still identified asstraight. Then you must be doing it wrong. Me, I can't believe committing adultery isn't an actual crime yet. Guilt is a common feeling of emotional distress that signals us when our actions or inactions have caused or might cause harm to another personphysical, emotional, or otherwise. This. 8=) ) Apologize to your SO and tell him that you love him and only him. reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): Already have an account? You love your spouse and you want to do your best to be a good partner. The drunk part won't matter to him because his mind will only think about the kiss. When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission, which supports our community. Is kissing someone else when drunk cheating? I regret waiting so long to tell him.-2 months. It's just a "good weekend?" lover. What? "then the cheeky ugger only went and bloody kissed me, didn't he! For starters, you've no way of knowing whether this other woman *was* genuinely asleep or whether she might gossip to someone who goes and gossips to someone else, etc.. Plus, you don't know what this bloke might choose to do or whom he might blurt it out to the next time he gets drunk (back and forth male posturing on a lads' night out, for example)! I'm taking it day by day. The straight guys get into it, theres no doubt they even end up biting the LGBT guys. ;-p Which may not seem like a big deal for some of you. When we went to bed that night, I started crying because I realized what had happened and I felt confused and guilty all at the same time. That is what separates the women from the girls. Like stateside, maybe southern California or San Diego? So this was the whole tone in which I recounted it to hubby, ergo, he thought it was amusing (the event and my comeback), flattering to him *and* reassuring. My girlfriend(Cintia), me and my best friends girlfriend (called Mercy). So, when he offered me whisky, I happily drank it until I was drunk as a skunk. (*'I know, your right, it's just I'm really attracted to you and couldn't not act on it, I'm sorry, you're right'. instead of: SO if you shouldn't, then A) you should be able to tell him, and B) if he's the type to hit the roof over a kiss, he's a wee bit paranoid for his own good, and it wouldn't be *your* fault. Sorry Soulmate I know I need to stop,but it's hard to. "He's a great kisser" what she said to me. We were going through an awkward time in the relationship and I was craving the attention and simplicity of this guy. I believe that over time this would have happened with or without the wiskey. "Sadly, many people who have a crush on someone else purposely get drunk ". What did she say? We were good friends for a few years and have dated in the past but nothing serious. It didn't feel real. reader, missbunbury+, writes (25 October 2005): A (No, I'm very passionate about fidelity.) Your guilt is your punishment. = I'VE ONLY GOT HIS WORD FOR IT. So many arguments begin because our partners got drunk and kissed someone else while they were under the influence of alcohol. It should prevent you from repeating your actions. We all should know by now that alcohol affects our judgment and that it can make us less inhibited and cause us to behave in ways in which we never would behave while sober. I wouldn't want him around the person. Please leave me a comment. What if they were married? the guy has a long term girlfriend who he lives with and he said she was really angry with him for coming home so late, then he said, look, I think we're good people that completely lost our minds for 5 minutes, and are suffering major guilt for it now, but it will never ever happen again, and I'm not going to say a word to anyone' to which I replied 'neither am I' and he said 'ok, look I'll see you on Monday but this is going to be ok, don't worry, we can move on from this' Plus, I *was* moreover affronted, meaning the guy got off lightly, because [1] I hadn't even caught his eye, [2] my wedding band is very thick thus too noticeable even from a distance, meaning his chat-up attempt was both un-instigated and unwanted, so [3] what sort of person did he think I WAS, just from looking at me?! "and though he immediately pulled away". I didnt blame the alcohol because I knew I had feelings for my piano teacher, and I didnt want to pretend the feelings didnt exist. David bit Jordan. he said the situations arent at all the same bc he doesnt feel turned on by me kissing another guy the way i do from a male on male kiss. The guilt may be strong because you doubt yourself right now and were surprised by your actions. However most people don't have a commitment that SOULMATE has with her husband that they will be 100% Honest with each other NO MATTER WHAT! We have only been seeing each other for the past two months and I dont want his mind racing with bad thoughts. Stories about open relationships, swinging, polyamory and other alternative relationship structures. If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. When I needed a dresser picked up from a furniture store, he offered to take me to the store and bring the furniture home in his pick up truck. If you don't figure this out OP, it will happen again. What is he supposed to do with this information? If I were the husband and some how found out through a second party my trust would be broken. And note, you don't HAVE to take my advice. Just my opinion. I have posted a vent and been waiting for your scathing reply. Are you sure all you did was kiss? Years after my divorce the one thing that still makes me really angry is that my XH should have ended the marriage as thats what he wanted. reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2006): A Your choice, as ever. NOT mentioning it could make you come across guilty. It didn't feel real. [4] WHY would you have kept it secret? It's South of France for us this year, holiday-wise, and then in about a year-and-a-half's time we're off permanently to Espana (por favor). An innocent kiss usually involves getting so plastered that you lose your inhibitions and someone tries to kiss you and you return the kiss. The next time you saw your significant other you might have blurted out, I have a confession to make. BTW lips are also very much a part of foreplay that's what I've read. I can't get into his FB directly but I accessed his hotmail and read the notification. See "The 5 Ingredients of an Effective Apology"; you probably miss at least two of them when you apologize. [3] you couldn't extend to him the same courtesy he'd already extended to *you* (i.e. I had only taken three years of piano lessons while still a teenager, and here I was in my late 40s studying piano again. I agree with you about her being straight forward and telling her husband about the kiss and not holding back any secrets. IAMHIM (person claiming to be an unregistered passer-by), I remember saying 'no, no, this is bad' in the middle of it, and he said 'I know but I really like you and I have done for ages', and he kissed me again, but this time only for a second because I said ' I really can't do this, I have no excuse, I'm married and he's lovely, it's not like I'm unhappy, he's a good person' then he kinda just stroked my arm and said 'I know, your right, it's just I'm really attracted to you and couldn't not act on it, I'm sorry, you're right'. What if she sabotages the relationship through guilt? Kissed someone on vakation while drunk, cheating or not? But I can't leave my job. I was why do *I* feel guilty? As long as you are sincere about making this work, your punishment should be to bear this guilt. If you are separated, you aren't doing anything wrong. I was enjoying myself and loving the chats and laughs.